


Of Romance and Comedies

by a2aaron



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Gen, Meteorstuck, Reader Is Not MSPA Reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-24 23:46:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19734100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a2aaron/pseuds/a2aaron
Summary: MSPA Reader and You have been transported to the Act 6 meteor without a very good reason why, and now MSPA Reader wants to befriend Karkat over romantic comedies.





	Of Romance and Comedies

**Author's Note:**

> This fic also available in Russian thanks to the work of KassiePavuk! You can read the translation here here: https://ficbook.net/readfic/9295751

You and MSPA Reader are on the meteor during year two of the three year trip. Neither of you remember how you got here. That is probably a lie, or at least, it will eventually be. Predictably, Karkat is having one of his patented Vantas Rants™ (or “Rantas” for short).

KARKAT: IN CONCLUSION, HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN TEN WIPES BARELY PASSES AS AN ADEQUATE ROMANCE OR COMEDY MOVIE, AND FRANKLY IS A DISGRACE TO THE ENTIRE ROMCOM GENRE

Earlier, Karkat had called Dave, Terezi, Kanaya, and Rose together to discuss the movie situation and how the meteor was suffering from a severe case of "SHITCOM SYNDROME" and how it was imperative that the five of them figure out a way to alchemize "HITCH: THE COMPLETE FULL DELUXE DIRECTOR TROLL CUT EDITION, WHICH IS THE ONLY SEMI-DECENT VERSION OF THE SHOW EVER PRODUCED". From there, he spiraled into a tirade against humanity's take on romance comedy movie genre, after which the other four promptly snuck out. It seems Karkat has ended up ranting all by himself and hasn't noticed yet.

KARKAT: WAIT A SECOND...  
KARKAT: THOSE FUCKING BASTARDS,  
KARKAT: THEY FUCKING LEFT ME!  
KARKAT: HOW LONG DID THOSE CHUTESTUFFING NOOKFUCKERS LEAVE ME HE--

Before Karkat can continue with his extended Karkat Diatribe™ (or "Karkatribe" for short), he notices You, as well as MSPA Reader.

KARKAT: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TWO BULGE EATERS SUPPOSED TO BE?  
MSPA READER: Hi! It's nice to meet you!  
MSPA READER: I'm a human on a quest for FRIENDSHIP!  
MSPA READER: Some guy told me we were going to be on this meteor because he thought it would be funny.  
MSPA READER: Who might you be?  
MSPA READER: Well, not you you, but like, you, the troll dude!

You are pretty sure MSPA Reader is flipping the fuck out, especially given that I did sort of just drop them directly into a completely new location without warning. Of course, they're perfectly capable of putting their own foot in their own mouth on their own, even when that foot is drawn like a noodle.

 **> Help MSPA Reader out a bit.**  
> Do nothing.

That choice was a lie, I don't actually have any plan for what would happen if you did do nothing, but let's just say that it would probably end with MSPA Reader somehow fucking up hard enough that you both get thrown off the meteor. That or Karkat would just flip the fuck out as well, neither of which are conducive to friendship.

You make up a backstory about how you and MSPA Reader miraculously survived the initial apocalypse on Earth and that you two had somehow managed to find a working computer and Sburb disc, entered into the game, and were instantly transported to this meteor. This wasn't true a few moments ago, but now it is, and always was, timelinewise.

MSPA READER: It was awesome! And kind of terrifying!   
MSPA READER: I had found you trapped under a pile of rubble and we had to go hunt for what few scraps of undestroyed food we could find in a supermarket  
MSPA READER: But in the end we became the best of friends!

That also wasn't true until now, but it is now.

KARKAT: YOU KNOW WHAT?  
KARKAT: FUCK IT. THAT'S ABOUT AS STRAIGHTFORWARD A BACKSTORY I COULD EVEN HOPE TO ASK FOR  
KARKAT: WELCOME TO THE SHITROCK SPACESHIP, MSPA READER AND... YOU.  
KARKAT: SOMEHOW I GET THE FEELING THAT YOU, MSPA READER, NOT YOU YOU, ARE THE ULTRA FUCKING SOCIABLE TYPE.  
KARKAT: FUCK THIS SECOND PERSON GIMMICK IS ANNOYING.

It is at this point that I remember that most Character x Reader fics use "[Y/N]" in place of a name, but I already committed to the joke of you not having a name. Oh well.

MSPA READER: I mean, I'm not always!  
MSPA READER: Mostly I just kinda stand around being a bit useless.  
MSPA READER: I guess I did talk You's ear off a bunch about movies and stuff.  
MSPA READER: Not like there was much else to bond over other than watching the only remaining copy of Serendipity in existence about fifty times.

You have no idea what Serendipity is, other than that it is probably a romantic comedy given the name, and that it is probably something Karkat has opinions about.

KARKAT: WAIT, YOU WATCH ROMCOMS?  
KARKAT: HAVE EITHER OF YOU WATCHED THE HOLIDAY?  
KARKAT: OR MAID IN MANHATTAN?  
KARKAT: WHAT DID YOU THINK OF JUST FRIENDS?

You say that those are obviously awful movies, made for wigglers with underdeveloped thinkpans and no taste in the art of romance. MSPA Reader attempts to follow your lead.

MSPA READER: I do not merely WATCH romcoms like some sort of mindless consumer.  
MSPA READER: No, my taste in movies is highly sophisticated, and I demand nothing less than the highest quality cinema before I will grant it any praise.  
MSPA READER: I am like a gold digger, sifting through the dirt by the bank of a river just to find the shining diamond amidst all the trash.

Wonky metaphor, but it works. Karkat is suitably impressed by their taste.

KARKAT: I'M COMPLETELY FUCKING UNCONVINCED OF YOUR SO CALLED "SOPHICATED TASTE".  
KARKAT: I'LL BET HALF MY BOONDOLLARCACHE THAT NEITHER OF YOU ACTUALLY KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT MOVIES.  
KARKAT: BUT YOUR WILLINGNESS TO TRUDGE THROUGH MOUNTAINS OF GARBAGE IS SOMETHING I CAN RESPECT.   
KARKAT: IF YOU'RE UP FOR IT,  
KARKAT: DO YOU WANNA WATCH A ROMCOM LATER TONIGHT?  
MSPA READER: YES! YES!!!  
KARKAT: I CAN SHOW YOU MY COLLECTION AND WE CAN TRY TO FIND SOMETHING THAT WE'LL BOTH ENJOY.  
KARKAT: THAT OR JUST RIFF ON IT THE WHOLE WAY THROUGH.  
KARKAT: OR WE CAN JUST GO AT EACH OTHER'S THROATS ABOUT OUR OWN OPINIONS.  
MSPA READER: Sweet! In the meantime, I guess we'll just introduce ourselves to everyone else on the ship.  
KARKAT: SEE YOU TWO AROUND.

Alright! Another friendship secured for MSPA Reader! And you, I guess. Cue the victory screen!

[VICTORY.WAV]

**Author's Note:**

> This was kind of stupid not gonna lie.


End file.
